What does ritual making look like when you’re tired?
NOTE: This post was originally published on my creative writing Substack June 2023.
Hey y’all.
Monday I started my cycle after six months of nothing. I’m knocking on year 38 and the women of my family all tend to go through menopause early. While I don’t identify as a woman gender wise, I do have female reproductive organs so I imagine that will be my story as well. Needless to say, I’ve found myself exhausted this week with little to no energy for anything “extra” on my plate.
What do you do when your desires are met with physical limitations?
What exactly does ritual look like when you’re just working to make it through the day? Bubble gum self care1 has never appealed to me longterm. I never felt like I wanted or should feel after a manicure or facial. I think this is mostly because of my Capricorn stellium and Mercury in Scorpio. Care for me is always been incredibly boring. Did I eat enough? Set your timer for drinking water. Take a damn nap, weirdo.
Today was no different. It was making sure I showered, brushed my teeth and ate when I felt hungry. Now, I am in bed typing this post on my phone. And, I feel grounded in doing so. I am grateful to have these reminders of my own power and how it’s always with me. I am thankful to finally be settling into myself. I am coming home. I am embodied. Soul rests in Self.
Another pondering of mine has been what a marriage of academia, writing, and magic will look like for me in the future. As my understanding of Self continues to coalesce, I wonder how I will manage to serve myself and others within those realms. I am writing a novel, putting together a collection of poetry, finishing a PhD in musicology/ethnomusicology and wanting to help others come home to themselves through magical alchemical experiences. It was only about two years ago that if I had all of these questions in the air it would have given me a literal panic attack. As I have grown as a person and connected with my ancestors, I’ve come to realize how much capitalism has warped our understanding of time and timing. I used to feel so behind and lacking. I’m so grateful for the breathing room.
Over the next few posts I hope to talk a bit more about time and timing and how that’s all unraveled for me and how it’s related to this ritual challenge I have charged myself with.
Maybe, I might try to write these during the day and not in my most comfortable bed. In any case, this is what ritual looks like today. I love you all. Thank you for making space for me.
