On the second day of ritual making, I felt tired.
NOTE: This post was originally published on my creative writing Substack June 2023.
Hey y’all. It’s day two. I don’t know if you know this, but I am autistic, late diagnosis. I don’t yet have an official EDS diagnosis, but self diagnosis is valid. I am AFAB (assigned female at birth) and currently still have all of my reproductive organs intact. I also haven’t had a period since December 2022…until yesterday. And, I am currently experiencing an EDS flare. Soooo my joints feel…unreliable and are in pain. My body feels achy and it is exhausting.
My knee jerk reaction was to push through today in my ritual making. But, I stopped and remembered that these things were for me and an expression of my power, my own unique way of doing things. I have read countless self help literature that swears routine making will ultimately be unsuccessful if it’s not something you manage to do at a regular interval. But, my ritual making focus is in my commitment to myself, needs and the expression of those things.
This has been the struggle for me all my life. I thought a ritual needed to be something I cross off a list. And, sometimes it can be. But right now, it’s less about managing my Todoist app and more about whatever is emerging and asking to be seen.
Also, I wrote my mission statement. It’s a rough draft, but one of my academic mentors charged me to write the statement that encapsulates my drive and calling in life. It’s not an academic, writing, or business statement. It is my actual mission. I finished it, so I thought I would put it here. This is something I can (and will) go back to remind me of what matters. It is my power statement, really.
“I am an encourager of souls to live embodied in their truth while here on earth. I stand to witness the emergence of collective liberation and authenticity. I work to create expansive, brave spaces where communities exist in dynamic fullness. At the center of my calling is the work to elevate the voices of those who stand in liminality: queer, Black, femme and disabled being first.”
I am going to bed now with an embodied sense of peace and love of and for Self.
