Empathy is Problematic
What is empathy, anyway?
Seriously, what is it? It’s become a buzzword in a lot of spaces that center healing and connection. We are being asked to raise empathetic humans. But, what is empathy? I think the first thing that came to my mind when I asked this question was, “Well, it’s all about caring for people.” But it isn’t really.
Empathy is a noun. It is essentially the ability to “understand and share the feelings of another.”
I think empathy is a good skill. I do. I think that the ability to understand and share the feelings of others can be helpful in connection. But, what happens when empathy stops at being a noun? What happens when it is not followed by a call to action? I’ll give an anecdotal situation.
As a Black, fat queer, gender expansive and disabled human, I have encountered many spaces where others engaged in empathy concerning my experiences and trauma. There were tears and hugs and I am certain that those shared feelings were understood by people. But, when the circle closed and it was time for the middled-aged white women to return to their lives, that’s where the empathy stopped. Their voting patterns didn’t change. They were still able to choose their comfort as a way of life over any call to action to change patterns of destructive behavior.
The thing is, empathy doesn’t ask much more than feeling something that maybe you’re not used to. But unless there’s an invitation and follow through to make the world a site of liberation for everyone, it isn’t very helpful. Empathy becomes a tool engaged to release people in positions of power from their guilt. The problem with the world isn’t exactly a lack of empathy. I think there are a lot of shared feelings and well meaning attempts to understand the aforementioned. The problem is apathy, for sure. But the opposite of apathy isn’t empathy, it’s action. Well, let me be more clear. Action isn’t really an opposite in this case, but it does move us out of an apathetic state. Liberation requires action. Liberation doesn’t come from us feeling each other’s feelings.
Liberation doesn’t come from us feeling each other’s feelings.
So, what’s next? How to we move past the feelings and get to the doing? And, why is that the hardest part? Maybe the answer to someone’s struggle isn’t an understanding of the crushing weight of poverty. Maybe, it’s a consistent check that reflects a living wage and access to things like healthcare?
