The summation of months that follow a month of choosing my Self
NOTE: This post was originally published on my creative writing Substack Summer 2023.
Hey y’all
It’s June 5th and the final day of my ritual-making container. Firstly, I want to thank all of you for holding space for me. You provided a way for me to lovingly hold myself accountable while I discovered what it feels like to make myself, my needs, and my desires a priority. I had nothing to measure my success to. I went in not knowing what to expect and came out…asking more questions, but also feeling more settled into my skin. This post is dedicated to the summation of thoughts and “data” collected while I dreamt in this container.
1. Power has nothing to do with anyone and everything to do with You.
This was probably the loudest damn reminder that spirit sent me. In my misunderstanding of my power by its relation to the oppressive structures that uphold this country, I tried to distance myself from thinking I am a powerful person and celebrating my uniqueness. As a result of suppressing my power, I unknowingly participated in my own oppression. My power lies in what makes me uniquely me. I have to be the champion of celebrating that.
2. Decolonialization of my mind only is not enough.
Simply focusing on decolonizing my my mind and thoughts is not enough when it comes to personal liberation. Cartesian theory truly fucked with us. That whole “I am what I think” is kinda bullshit, y’all and it’s also not enough when it comes to decolonial work. That shit has to be an embodied practice. This means I have to look at how my thoughts are in my body, what parts of my body…How I walk, how I take up space, how I enter the room. Thinking isn’t enough for it to be in me. I am actively looking for ways my ancestors practiced healing themselves through movement, use of herbs, how they came together in community, etc.
3. I have to continue 30 Day Spirit to Self containers.
I’ve decided that this practice has been good for me. So much has emerged. It has been rejuvenating. It has also hurt like a motherfucker. But, it is well with my Soul. This process, this ritual is one that helps keep me grounded in the idea of Self love. Whoa. I created a ritual that feels authentic for me. And, this is a first. It’s a huge deal for me. I cried about it earlier while working to form this post. This is revolutionary for my life. It is not a perfect ritual. And, in some ways it is very much open-ended. I believe this is something that is almost necessary for me at this point in my life. And, the idea of this being able to evolve based on my spiritual needs is something I never experienced. (Also, as a Capricorn with a stellium that begins in my 11th house, this is kind of wild. The structure is…unstructured?!? What? Who am I?)
4. Questions lead to more questions and sometimes that’s the answer.
The searching for the answer is the answer. It’s the journey, the writhing around with your thoughts, the trying of new things, the not knowing…
That’s the space where the magic is. That’s where the alchemy is. That’s where Spirit meets Self. It’s always in the liminal crawl spaces that we find the next step of the way.
I don’t know, but I know.
